20 days without T

     I just noticed the app I used to remind me of my shots shows when my last shot was supposed to be and how many days it was since that. So now I know I'm 20 days without T, breaking my previous record of 17 days, and this transition has been pretty chill in comparision. Possibly a lot of the negative effects I felt then were due to my bad living situation and not from the hormonal change.

    One thing I noticed however was that I had migraines and some brain fog. Though this mightve been related to the current weather changes rather than the hormones. I've also been very tired from going back to the gym and doing a thousand other things, so its overall hard to tell if those lack of energy and mental confusion feelings are hormonal or just a normal consequence of my given situation.

    I don't feel those things anymore though, but I felt it last time I was writing, and I felt it impacted my writing skills a bit.

    I expected to have some acne situation going on, but so far theres been nothing unusual. 

    My hands look softer and i'm noticing a subtle change on the thinness of my wrists and ankles.

    No one seems to have noticed anything different in me. I was even shirtless in front of my gym coach those days for an evaluation, I told him I had gynecomastia and he commented on how other 5 guys with gynecomastia were there recently.

    I've been wearing a sports bra to conceal my chest shape somewhat and it does the job well.

    My facial hair is taking a longer time to grow, but it still grows the same shape and density.

    My venus mount (pussy forehead) is getting fatter. Testosterone does make it comically shrivelled down though, so its not like its fat, its just like, not dehydrated anymore I guess.

    Sometimes I think of testosterone, buying it, mananging and all other things related to it that I don't have to do anymore. I no longer have to think of how to deal with T while traveling, or regular endocrinologist appointments, or getting my prescription. Thats cool.

2 or 3 weeks without T

25/04/2025

 Hello! 

    I am now 2 weeks without T. As far as I remember, my shot should've been on 11 april, and I had to skip it for a couple reasons - I was away camping during that week, then in the week after I got sick, and this week I thought well, since its late anyway and I really don't want to continue on it, why not stop it?

    I take this decision with it in mind that I may feel like being without T is no longer something I can endure, and if that happens to be the case I'll just go back to it. Sure going back and forth with hormones doesn't sound like the best thing to do, but I guess the only way to the land of Find Out is through the paths of Fuck Around. 

    So far, the only thing that makes me want to go back on T is the boners. Really. Everything else feels fine. I'm mentally fine. Let me explain some of my current situation first, as things differ heavily from last time I tried to stop T:

    Back when I last tried to quit T, I was on what probably was one of the lowest lows of my life. I was overweight, had a break up from a 7 years relationship, my cat was killed, I had to leave europe to go back to living in a brazilian favela (L),  also the mafia had started to invade my favela's territory and I was dealing with daily random shootings, plus assorted garbage in my life. It was not good, and going through a hormonal change wasn't helping, there was too much in my plate already and since I gained a lot of weight, all that weight storage was immediately being mananged by my then current hormone - estrogen - so it all went to my boobs and thighs, if I were to stop passing it'd be risky where I lived so I went back on T. 

    Anyway, now I'm very much at the opposite situation. My life has been incredibly good. I've been on the gym since november and the changes are great. I can already see some fat redistribuition from E happening, my boobs are bigger and my belly is smaller. My hands look a bit softer. My lips are thicker and my face looks smoother, also I feel like my nose is smaller somehow. None of that is bothering me, I feel like going to the gym daily and seeing myself in the huge wall mirrors and seeing how not much has changed really helps. Whenever I feel a bit low I go there and I see I'm still me, the bathroom mirror lies and should not be trusted as a valid source of information. 

    I think that a fear I had when stopping T back then was that I'd stop being me, who I became, and go back to the miserable situation I had before T. But this isn't true. I'm not a hormonal balance, I'm me. Who I am, who I've become, all of this has nothing to do with which hormone reigns in my body.

 

27/04/2025

    It seems I forgot to come back to edit and finish this after I did a "quick pause". Oh well. Not reading all that back, so heres my update:

    I feel fine. The lack of boners is slowly not bothering me anymore, possibly because I figured out I can have 2 brain numbing 20 second nuts in a row and then squirt enough to soak a towel, which feels like a fair trade. It kinda gets hard too, just, in a different way through a different process.

    My skin is changing to look smoother. My eyes look bigger and my nose feels smaller. I don't pass as a girl, I look like a feminine dude. I enjoy the vibe.

    Also, a lot of my hair seems to be growing back. Going back on T really feels more like cons than pros at this point. 

 

Some hair growing in my bald spot.

     My libido has been really high. I think before T I never really had a libido, so I was worried about losing it again. That is not the case. I'm pretty sure I have the same T levels as before by now and that thing is on fire, maybe even worse than before. I am thankful for the permanent brain damage.

     Going to the gym I notice I don't have much stamina for consecutive workouts. This means I have to rest for a longer time between sets to be fine. A fun side is, after working out, I can rest and continue working on things through my day. While on T after a working out day I'd be energyless for the rest of the day. Maybe estrogen does better energy manangement than testosterone, which seemd to blow everything in a single situation and save nothing for later.

    Another funny thing, for a while I felt like I could hear my own voice pitch like, being very aware of how deep it is. Maybe my body wasnt used to have this much of a deep voice in this kind of hormonal balance and it felt off. Its fine now.

    I'm crying with more ease - I haven't got to actually sob yet, but I get teary eyed when thinking of things I like.

    I had my period day 26. I was mid a conversation with a friend when I stared them, and said with ultimate conviction, "I'm going to get my period." and bam, 20 mins later I had a brown spot on my pants. I felt like an oracle. I got some pads I had bought beforehand and even boiled my ancient menstrual cup, only to realise my period was not going to be more than 2 pathethic brown droplets. By day 26 it was already over. I guess my uterus...tried? Its probably still too atrophied from T to do things properly for now, however it was an actually positive experience to have my period again, means things are going well and healthy. I suppose once my uterus rehydrates on E for long enough I'll have normal periods again. They've never been a source of dysphoria for me, honestly. Looking forward finally using the cute pink menstrual cup I bought back when I first tried to quit and never got the chance to. 

    My boobs are back to the size they were before T, but I have large shoulders and pecs from my muscles. Wearing a sports bra already conceals them and makes them look like theyre part of my pecs when under a shirt.