3 Weeks without T log

 18 April 2023

    Trying to jerk off without T should be classified as some sorts of torture. I can now remember how it was hard for me to do so before I started T, and now I'm facing this limp reality once again.

    Sure orgasms are longer now, which is neat, but having to fight against formless slime for it for 30 minutes or so isn't neat. Wasn't neat before either.

    My boobs, which are both my beloved and my behated, are giving me trouble. I consider joining the boob removal queue at public healthcare. I think this might be neat actually. I'll have 5 bountyful and boobyfull years, and after that I'll be boobless but I'll gain a whole new world of freedoms I don't have nowdays.

    Mentally I'm ok. Going back to T is a hassle, staying out of T is a different kind of hassle. Guess I'll have to pick my poison eventually.

    I felt a bit dizzy in the gym today. Wearing a sports bra affects my performance. 

    I'm noticing my arms and shoulders are kinda thinner, my hips larger, and my waist smaller.

19 April 2023

    There is a fat deposit on my upper arms that together with the boobs make things look very feminine.  My thighs have growns somewhat and now I feel them rubbing on each other as I walk. Not very comfy.

    I think that if I were to keep a life without T, I'd need top surgery. Its kinda ass. I do like my boobs but also I'd rather be safe than boobed. As I said before the waiting list for those take forever anyway, so thats plenty boob time.

    I'm ok mentally. The first few days were an absolute mess in my head. But now I see that what I feared losing, that is myself, isn't dependant on T. I'm still me. Not any less of a nonbinary guy. My libido and hornyness still here. Maybe all those things from T I had were not really from T, but from me becoming a confident person, and me being safe to be myself.

    I do fear losing this confidence as my body becomes more feminine. The muscle growth process takes months, and without T it takes even longer. I think of going back to T and trying this another time.

    It surely sucks how much of a hassle T is. Life is easier with it. But its also a (very literal) pain in the ass.

    Since mentally I'm still me, being with or without T becomes a question of physical performance. Boobs can be deboobed. Working out can make me muscular. Theres one thing that can't be changed though, and thats exactly what I've been complaining for the past few days. The dick. 

    

 

     Getting back on T because of my dick feels as silly as staying out of T because I'm balding. What a shit spot to be in! Can't have a cake and eat it too. Can't have hair and a boner. I would NOT want to be in my shoes with this decision.

 

    I feel inclined to coming back, as much as it is an ass. I feel like this moment in my life isn't ideal for this, and starting to look too feminine where I life will lead me to trouble. As much as I joke about the dick, the way my body looks on T was a way easier to deal with.

20 April 2023

    After much thought I've decided to go back on T while the changes from being without it are still minimal. I'm not in a place where I can safely risk looking feminine, theres too much going on with my life right now for me to go through this at this time. I think this is definitely something I'll want to give a try again in the future, and when that comes, I'll be more ready for this (and mayhaps boobless).

    I'm leaving this blog as an available resource for those wanting to go through this process.

    My final thoughts are: It is possible to do it. Entirely. First weeks are shit, but it gets better with time. You'll go through a very feminine phase though so get in a safe place for that.

    And well.. thats it! See ya idk when.