T Hiatus

 

    I think i’ll stop T for a while. A year or so.

    I’ve always planned to use T temporarely and I’m on it for longer than I thought I’d be. Nothing wrong going with it, I’m healthier than before if anything. Though I’m also going bald and if I were to stop now it’d not get any worse than a somewhat thinned hair on top and a tiny bald spot.

    Before taking this decision I tried shaving my whole hair off, to see what is it that I’m scared of. Maybe turns out being bald is very swag and I love it. Well turns out I didn’t quite like it, but I did find out a lot of cool things on the way, such as that its infinitely better to be bald than balding (really, no hair is better than loose lumps of hair), and that at a ~5cm lenght my hair looks absolutely adorable and all my balding is unnoticeable. Also the feeling of a shaved head is amazing, from shaving it to showering and touching it around after. Its also very practical. I like the practicality but I quite dislike the looks.

    Trading all benefits of T for hair seems a bit silly but theres more to it than hair. The costs of T in my country have became quite something. I’d spent 40R$ on 2.5 months worth of T, now the same thing costs 200R$. So 2.5 months of T now cost what was a year supply. On top of that, there are also endrocrinologist and blood exam costs, and having to spend my time into going to hospitals to get my shot done. 

    T has some unpleasant side effects other than balding. A thing that has always bothered me is how swollen I always seem to be. Liquid retention as far as I've seen seems to be a common side effect of any HRT. I didn't deal with it much for the small period I used T gel though. Theres also vaginal atrophy which is entirely reversible with topical estrogen, but then there'd be yet another medication on top of my list. Balding by itself can be prevented by the constant use of minoxidil, which I gave up after my second year as it was yet another extra cost. It is a very efficient medication when used as preventive though, as stopping it made me speedrun baldness. Finasteride can be used to stop balding from progressing, which is a hormone with possible unpleasant side effects. Finasteride to stop balding and minoxidil to grow what isn't dead yet is a powerful, and costly, combo.

    Basically almost all negatives of T can be counterbalanced by spending even more money and taking even more medication: Topical E gels, finasteride, minoxidil. Minoxidil is around 40-60R$ and lasts a month. A quick search on topical E shows it being around 40R$.  Finasteride seems to be 30-40R$ a month. So with an extra 120-150R$ and three extra meds one can mitigate the bad side of T. Another option is stopping T for free and have one less medication on your shelf while at it.

    Stopping HRT isn't for everyone though. On my personal experience, T isn't a medication I require to stay alive. My asthma inhaler, on the other hand, is something I'll carry to my grave and very thankfully will postpone it. For some people however HRT isn't optional - its what keeps them safe and sane, and without it they might even be suicidal. Stopping it isn't an easy choice either - I'll have some months of emotional imbalance and acne explosions ahead. And menopause effects. Which is something that happens when you start T, and its why you have no menses, dryness and atrophy while at it (no, your uterus doesnt die or rot inside you. if it doesn't make sense for this to be said about a 60yo cis woman on menopause, it doesn't make sense to say this about a trans man on the same process). Remove T and you remove the menopause, and the process as far as I've heard from others might be equally combusting.

    Making a list of pros and cons of staying on T or quitting it, i'd have that:

Staying on T:

• ✅ Passing easily
• ✅ Horny all the time
• ✅ Better mental space
• ❌ Balding
• ❌ Pussy dry af
• ❌ Money and time costs
• ❌ Longterm med which means higher chances of unwanted side effects with the years
• ❌ On this for the rest of existence
  

Stopping T:

• ✅ WAP comes back
• ✅ Won't lose any more hair than what I already lost, might even have a bit "grow back" if the follicules didn't die yet
• ✅ Free
• ✅ No longer swollen all the time
  
• ✅ Easier on the liver?
• ❌ Fat redistribuition which means all fat on my belly will migrate entirely to my ass (dysphoric, bad)
• ❌ My face might get round and cute again which I dislike. Might not too.
• ❌ Probably will no longer pass
• ❌ Mental changes might take my hornyness out of me but I'll fight for my right to remain penisally insane
• ❌ Crying a lot?

    Not listing menstruation as a bad side effect because I honestly never felt dysphoric over it nor really care about it.

    So, in order to survive going out of T, i'd need a plan. I'd need a way to keep myself busy and to make me as passable as I possibly can be. My original idea was to stop T and use working out as a way to remain androgynous in case passability is impossible. I think I'll stick to this idea, effectively changing my HRT from hormones to the gym, which isn't an HRT but its also a lifetime commitment to masculinisation, and one with way less side effects on the long run than T.

    Will it work? Will I feel horrible and eventually decide that no, I can't live like this, T is the only way and a bald egg head is a relief in comparision to being on E? Only way to know is , unfortunately, by fucking around and finding out.

    This is something quite ass about anything HRT related. You can only find out if it'll work out or not by trying it, and all changes come as slow as possible with a load of mental garbage. I'm making this blog here to keep track of this and see where it goes, and also provide information for other nonbinary people that might be willing to go through the same.

    I was unsure when I started T, and I'm unsure about stopping it. Back then what made me do it was wanting to give it a try, knowing I could just stop if it unfit me. Now I have the same mentality, giving it a try, knowing I can just come back if it unfits me.