23 or 24 days without T

 Hello,

    My high score regarding days without testosterone remains getting higher with every passing day. There are things I miss of T, things I dont like of being without it, things I like, things I don't care... but overall it doesn't feel very worth it to go back, at least for now, even if i'm starting to get visible changes.

    I feel that I always think "I look just like I looked before T now" every day, and somehow everyday I get more feminine. My hips are getting larger and with it I remember the extreme dysphoria I had from being a very bottom heavy person - without being dramatic it wasn't something too short from Steatopygia before testosterone, with the butterfly wing shaped buttocks produting backwards and all. I feel like this might be coming back, but it doesn't bother me as much, at least not so much for now, mostly because I'm very muscular now so things seem less disproportional. I don't know if I'd go back on T because of this. I feel like I'd rather have some sorts of surgery than doing hormones forever.

    One interesting thing that happened that other day in the gym was that I was lifting some weights and I changed to 50kg from 40kg, which felt like it wasn't a big upgrade at all, nothing too far from my capabilities. After working out however I felt as if I was going to pass out. I don't know if this will get better or worse with time, but I remember something about muscles on estrogen doing better with endurance workouts (a lot of reps) rather than explosive workouts (big heavy weights and a few reps). I then took it easy for the rest of the workout and I felt better with time, but still a bit weaker. I also hurt my knee somehow and spent some days without leg workouts.

    Regarding looking more feminine, I'm starting to feel as if I was being looked differently, both from men and women. Maybe the type of person that is attracted to me is changing, which makes sense as my appearence also changes. I'm also getting very androgynous so maybe people are just wondering how to label me.

     I think i'm no longer so swollen like I was on T, but theres still some liquid retention going on.

     I feel cold with more ease.

    Vaginal atrophy seems to be going away, vaginal sex is becoming much easier and much more pleasurable. I think I could only come with penetration while on T like, once. Now I feel like this might become a regular thing. The tdick performance is still something that could use improvements... but it still works. I'm getting used to it, I guess.

     I shaved my face recently and I feel as if my face got way more rounder than what it was on T. I look almost entirely like a woman now, however I was 5 years on T and I've aged with testosterone during that time. I have some wrinkles that I associate with a masculine appearence, like lines on the sides of my mouth, which I think look cool. I do look younger though. Testosterone isn't as merciful as estrogen when it comes to aging.

    There is something however, that as much as I'm starting to look like a woman or maybe even start to pass as one with a certain outfit, its something I'd have to put some effort on. I'm not readen as a woman. I don't know if this would change a couple months from now, the larger hip situation will probably intervine with this. But I feel like people will continue taking me as a guy who looks like a girl, mostly because of my voice. If someone says hi ma'am and I say something as an answer, they'll correct themselves and apologise, even if I don't correct them or anything. I think getting top surgery will probably be the nail in the coffin of the "guy who looks a lot like a girl" situation, which is somewhere I'm comfortable staying, and I feel the more I look like a woman is actually the more I look like a guy who looks like a woman. Its like the masculine part of my gender is something undeniable and unavoidable now, so much that outside perceptions of my gender or appearence don't bother me. Having a deep voice gives me the undeniable guy pass of "I'm not a girl, I just look like one". Pretty cool honestly. Thanks testosterone.